By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
