i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
