There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
