My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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