Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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