so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
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My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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