Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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