Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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