i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
