it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
accomplished twins. life is a go
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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