he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
