She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize