While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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