Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
