Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize