i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
