I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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