What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
