Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
