so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
