i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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