We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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