We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
