Apparently you make a good broom.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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