stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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