The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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