good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
