Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
