I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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