Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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