my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
