Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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