My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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