You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
