no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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