I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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