Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
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it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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