The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
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Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
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They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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