i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
