so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
