Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
