I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
