I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
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To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
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The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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