dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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