fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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