It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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