My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
