to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
