peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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