Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
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