Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
