what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
