sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
