sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
