Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
