she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is that strawberry winking at me??
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
