I wish my penis had an off switch
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
