I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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