fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
