Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Shame is for Republicans.
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