I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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