Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My life is pants optional.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
